SOUTH DEERFIELD, Mass., Sept. 20, 2004 (PRIMEZONE) -- Despite the ecstatic chemistry of a new relationship, the qualities that bring people together are not the same ones that keep couples loving and respecting each other in the long term, says Jack Tannenbaum. Specific skills to discuss and resolve difficult issues with respect are the missing essential ingredients that can keep relationships vital, and Tannenbaum teaches these skills in his new book, Getting Through the Tough Stuff: The Lovers' How-To Book for Communicating About Difficult Issue in Their Relationship (now available through AuthorHouse).
Many couples that break-up relate the cause of their fading love to poor communication and inability to resolve difficult issues. They don't say, "This relationship is terrible, but I'm going to stay in it because he is so handsome" or "I'll stay because we both love the same kind of music," writes Tannenbaum. They split up mainly because of problems that escalated into highly charged arguments -- or ended in silent withdrawal -- and they did not have effective communication skills for resolving them. The communication ideas in his book "Getting Through the Tough Stuff" are designed for couples to use when those difficult issues arise and need to be discussed. And, he says -- they arise in every relationship.
His guidelines include new "ground rules" for sending and receiving messages about difficult issues that will help readers pay attention to each other, rather than being angry and shutting down on each other. By establishing agreements that prohibit tactics such as put-downs, attacks, blame, accusations and sarcasm during these conversations, couples build a solid foundation for meaningful dialogue.
"The more you read Getting Through the Tough Stuff, the more you realize there are skills here that couples need to learn if they want an equitable, warm and intimate relationship," writes Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of Love Between Equals. "It's hard to imagine anyone reading it and not learning more about their communication style and pitfalls. I can't think of a couple who couldn't benefit by reading it."
Jack and his partner, Marybeth Home have taught the RAP methods at workshops and to individual couples for more than 15 years. Getting Through the Tough Stuff is his first book. He has a Master's degree in Counseling Psychology from Oregon State University. Jack's E-mail: Jackrap1@aol.com
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